So, as part of my continual. . .reintroduction. . .of the series The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God, we take a look at the next diary entry that was penned.
This time around, when I was playing the game Fallout 4, I was going to the Drive-in Movie Theater and found a bunch of mobs that were going apeshit on me. As such, I decided that I would merge my gameplay along with my drunken stupor—again with pizza and beer.
Yes, it was a common thing. Alcoholism and such kind of goes hand-in-hand when you’re writing, I suppose.
So, here it is, the next entry.
The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God
Season One: Episode Two
[I Came. . .I Clawed. . .]
“Fear me, mortals! For I am the beginning, the end, and the sandwich in which your bacon resides! I am, He, who butters your muffin, and creams your ice. . .cream! I am the pillow of a thousand moans, and the happy ending of desolation! I am. . .THE MIGHTY BEAR GOD!” —Mighty Bear God, Toiletus Fuckus 12:18
It’s been a little over two hours since I last took a shit and I couldn’t wipe my ass. It’s so hard to take a dump in peace in The Wasteland.
Those old bears—the brown ones—whatever the hell they were. No, wait, yes! Those ones, well, they’re liars! Straight up lying sacks of filth!
You can’t just wander out here all willy-nilly and take a shit. Why? Because there’s always something coming up through the damn ground! Mole rats, Radscorpions, hell—even had a Deathclaw come up and jingle my balls.
[It was actually kinda cute. That is until he put his claw in my ass and gave me herpes. It’s bad enough as it is that I can’t quite reach some bits!]
REGARDLESS, and that’s beside the matter but there’s always shit coming up when I am trying to take a shit and leave it down. . .ON THE GROUND!
I still think I have a ghoul finger, or something clinging to my ass hairs.
AND NOW I HAVE A MASSIVE PRIAPISM!
Fuck. My. Life.
Come back tomorrow, as we look in on the third entry and discuss it.
Until then, stay frosty.