The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Portalpocalypse [Part One]

The portal wailed as various demons, and other foes spewed out into The Wasteland. Diablo laughed as different bosses from other universes heralded the end for Earth, and at the foolish mortals that dared attempted to stop his plans.

While high up, getting closer and closer was the comet that the ABG had summoned to wipe out the Earth. The light was growing more bright, giving a cause of concern to the denizens of the Earth. The heroes fought on, destroying plenty of monsters, demons, and other foes.

Diablo cackled maniacally. “No matter how many you kill, no matter how hard you fight,” he stared hard at the group of heroes, “It. Is. All. For. Naught!”

Rico panted, “He’s right, we can’t keep this up.”

The Bear God smashed the skull of a demon under his paws. “We beat him before, and we’ll do it again. We just have to shove his fat ass through the portal again.”

Diablo snickered, “Ah, ah, I won’t fall for that trick again, Bear God.”

Sin assessed the situation and tried to come up with a strategy. The end game win was simple, shove Diablo through the portal and close it. The rest of the demons and monsters could then be wiped out. Then he could figure out a way to zap the comet, and then they’d all be able to go to the pub and have an ice-cold pint.

“Alright, here’s what we do—“ before he could finish his sentence, an army of what was called “Murlocs” stampeded from the portal.

Their commander waved a flag made from flesh and bone and raised their broadsword towards the heavens. “MRRRRRRGLRGLRGLRGLL MRR MRR RAH!” he shouted.

A red haze overcame their fish-like eyes as they decided to go after anything that wasn’t their kind.

The Bear God shrugged.

Demons, Mirelurks, Raiders, monsters from unspeakable worlds took over the battlefield. Some fought one another, others had their orders and focused solely on the heroes that stood defiantly against them all.

The battle raged on. The forces of Good vs. Evil were pit against one another, with Evil having the upper hand in the matter.

The Twins fought valiantly, having transformed into a large bear, a nod to their newfound compatriot. Together as one, they slaughtered thousands of demons and monsters. Rico and Haley would swing and often grapple, landing on the “bear’s” backside, helping destroy more foes. A black dragon of untold size fell and tail swiped the four, causing the Twins to separate and Rico to collide with Haley.

“Cower at the might of Onxyia, and Nefarian, mortals!” Nefarian bellowed.

Rico frantically searched around, for there was only one dragon before them.

High above, using the glow of the comet to mask her descent, Onyxia took in a deep and then exhaled, sending flames coursing at the group.

“Take cover!” Rico cried, shielding Haley.

Rico looked to see the Twins melted down in their armored units.

“NO!” he cried.

Percival leaped through the air and slit the throat of the dragon known as Nefarian and ripped his head off, sending Onyxia into a rage.

“You will pay for your treachery against the Black Dragonflight, mortals! she hissed.

Percival hurled the head of Nefarian at Onyxia, causing her to crash into the ground. She rolled and came to rest with her brother’s head atop her. Percival leaped through the air and picked up the head and jammed it into her throat, killing her.

Elsewhere, Dante stylishly slew monsters and demons. He backflipped and landed perfectly after having killed 30 monsters in a matter of seconds. A dark aura emanated underneath him, the bodies of those Dante had slain rattled and shook violently. The bodies soon disappeared but in their place came beings from another universe he had never known.

A large dragon and its rider emerged from beneath the ground. A small stack of bodies erupted into a bonfire. “You dare challenge the Nameless King, mortal?”

Dante sighed, “Well, this looks like it’s going to be fun.”

Then, from beneath the ground came more.

Two figures first emerged, calling themselves Lothric and Lorian.

“Alright, I can deal with that too…” Dante said assuringly.

Then emerged the being called Pontiff Sulyvahn and his clone.

“Yeah, this is getting ridic…” Dante was interrupted when the “Abyss Watchers” and “Soul of Cinder” erupted from the ground. “I…am…so fucked,” he said.


Rubricon unleashed his arsenal of magic spells on the monsters, reducing them to ash, while Kronam sliced his way through other demons. Ben slaughtered many foes as well. However, fatigue was starting to set in.

“I don’t know how long exactly we can keep this up,” said Rubricon.

“I can slay thousands, but they just keep respawning,” said Kronam.

“They’re graveyard zerging from the portal. We don’t have much hope other than getting that thing closed and shoving ‘Big Red’ back through it,” said Ben.

The Bear God let loose a shrill war cry, causing the lesser demons and monsters on the field and in the sky to all explode; blood, guts, bodies and such rained from above.

The only member that did nothing was Blitzkrieg and Rico noticed it. “What are you doing? Are you going to help?”


In his armored unit, Blitzkrieg grinned. “It had only been a matter of time for my master’s plan to come to fruition. Now that it has, I am no longer needed. The Toymaker was merely a pawn in a grand scheme. Your lives fuel for the Prime Evil. MOTHER is coming home. Evil will wash over this world, and I will have the chance to watch it from space.”

Blitzkrieg’s armor unit transformed into a rocket and began to launch for the heaven’s. “Thank you, Bear God, for clearing the sky for me!” the German laughed hysterically as his ship ventured into space.

“Uh…OK?” said the Bear God. “So, why is he all happy about watching the world supposedly end from space?”

“He’s going to use the moon base as his future spaceship. The Toymaker had a secret project done many years ago, and knowing him, it’s been completed,” said Rico.

The Bear God brought a palm up to his face. “Great, I can see what will happen now in ‘Season Two.’”

Demons and more monsters began pouring out from the portal. “Do you see your folly yet, mortals? Kill as many as you want, it makes no difference. We. Are. LEGION!”

The Bear God gritted his teeth. “I am getting really fucking tired of seeing your red ass in my sky.” He leaped into the air with finesse and aimed straight for the Lord of Hell, Diablo.

“Ah, yes, come ‘Bear God.’ Meet your end! MEET YOUR MAKER!” Diablo bellowed.

Bat Out Out of Hell
And then before that…I WILL POSSESS YOUR HEART
No, and then…


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