The Diary of the Wasteland Bear God: Diablow Me, Hellspawn

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The Hellspawn surveyed the Wasteland. “Well, this is a bit rundown. But I suppose it’ll have to do.”
He looked around the area for the small creature that was responsible for opening the portal, freeing him from the depths of Hell.
His gaze at last settled on the ground before him. “Little fleshling, come out. Come out, so that I might thank you for a job well done.”
Dante spoke, hidden under his cloak. “I released you on accident. Had I known that you were the result, I would not have done what I believed was the way in getting to my mother.”
The Hellspawn laughed. “Ah, so you fell for the oldest parlor trick in the book. How very funny and yet fortunate for me.” The monster knelt down closer to the invisible Dante. “Reveal yourself and tell me your name, child. Tell me so that I might thank you, and give you a seat of power in my reign over this pathetic world.”
Dante readied himself for a fight. “You already said the words, demon. I have no other remark for you, other than that you can go back to Hell.”
The monstrous beast laughed at Dante. “You show such promise, boy. How about a deal? I give you your mother that you so desperately want, and in turn, I remain free…and leave you and your mother unscathed?”
A voice boomed like thunder crashing above. “Don’t do it, kid. He’s bad news. She? He? Whatever. It’s bad news to strike a deal with the devil.
The beast looked up to the heavens. “Ah, the Maker. Still sticking your nose in matters where it doesn’t belong?”
“At least I make an effort and helping my creations where I see fit.”
“Ha, help? Do you call turning the world into a barren wasteland helping? That’s a mighty interesting interpretation you have there, Maker.”
“I went on a cosmic cruise for one millennium, and I came back to this. It’s not exactly my fault. Regardless, your deflection game will not work. Dante is better than that, and so is his father.”
Dante shivered at the mention of his father. “I told you not to mention my father!”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. You have daddy issues.” A gust of wind blew across the area, signaling that the Maker sighed heavily. “Look, kid, your dad isn’t bad, as I told you already. He’s kind of cool, except when he pisses me off…which is a lot, but that’s beside the point.”
Dante looked to the ground and then up at the monster. “Hellspawn, I will make this deal with you.”
“What the hell?!”
“Splendid,” muttered the beast. “You are making the right choice, Dante.”
Dante stood awry, unsure of his actions, but he had a plan…at least he thought.
“So, do we shake on it? Hug? Consummate? What?” Dante inquired.
The towering red beast laughed. “Oh, no, I was merely jesting. I just kill you and that’s the end of things.”
I told you, kid.
Dante sighed. “I should have known better, but then again, I was going just to use you anyway.”
Dante uncloaked himself and started shooting at the beast.
“Pathetic, fool. You think you can best the Lord of Hell, Diablo?” The hellspawn’s laughter made the earth rumble.
Dante displayed his prowess and acrobatic abilities, while dodging Diablo’s massive attacks.
“Your attacks are nothing more than fleas biting my ankles.” Diablo roared.
“Wait until this flea knocks you right in your nutbag!” Dante hollered.
Uh, yeah, about that…
What? Let me guess; he doesn’t have one.
Technically, he’s gender indifferent but yeah.
Did you make him?
Me? Oh no…some other god did. Who was it again? There was some rambling about “Light cannot exist without darkness, and yaddy yadda.” Ah, I forget, but that’s not important right now.
“I will crush you underfoot! The heavens will tremble, burn, and crumble under my reign of terror.” Diablo bellowed.
I’m not hurting him at all.
Here, it’s dangerous to fight alone. Take this.
Up high in the sky, there was a silver gleam that headed straight for Dante. “What the hell is that?”
A gift but you better jump, white man.
Dante leaped into the air and retrieved the sword. It was an oversized broadsword, constructed with bone, blood, muscle and sinew. In it, there rested a few small glowing orbs. It had a demonic aura about it, but in Dante’s hands, it felt just right.
“Oh yeah, now it’s time for an ass-whooping,” Dante grinned.
Diablo cackled maniacally. “You think you can best me with some twig, boy?”
Dante displayed his sword handling skills by doing tricks, and then set his gaze on Diablo. “You’re going to be bending over and grabbing your ankles real soon, Diana.”
“My name is Diablo…Diablo! Get it right, you insufferable gnat!”
“Diablow me!” Dante yelled as he charged the behemoth Hellspawn.

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God is an ongoing A.B.Normal Publishing exclusive story by Robert J. S. T. McCartney. Check here for more posts!

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