Predict This! Is Retiring. . .Like That One Guy's Sex Life

I wanted to announce that my phone predictive text little ditty, Predict This! is going to retire. It’s possible it may return some day. If it does, it will be under a new idea and name. Probably.
With that notion however, I am introducing Cynical Sammy, or Quotes From Sammy, or Sammy the Dick. Eh, no, that last one could be misconstrued. Tell you what, if someone wants to name what it could be, I’ll consider the change, but until then I am going to dub it *drum roll* Posts From Sammy. Anticlimactic wasn’t it? Too bad.
To kick it off or celebrate the occasion, Sammy wanted to pen you all a song. . .or something.

The Courier

Hello, it’s me, “Sammie”
I know you wanted it real bad, so I put in the coordinates
You know, so I could deliver you this package
But then I came and then I saw
There was something amiss, something wrong

Yeah, hey, hi, hello, can you hear me?
I’m out back knocking on your door
But by the way things are looking right now, I’m looking like a manwhore
Just trying to drop this package off to your backdoor
I see now that I was wrong
By the way your man’s chasing me with his gun
Hey, yeah hi, hello from outside
I need to get the hell out of here real quick
Sorry but I guess I was wrong
To think that you’d want this delivered to your backdoor
Uh, yeah hey, hi, what’s up?
Can you, uh, call your dude off my ass?
He’s trying to break my butt
Don’t break my butt
I guess I should have seen
The sign that said “do not enter”
So hey, yeah, uh, hi from out here
I’m going to have to call the cops now
Your dude is still trying to break my butt
There’s something warm and pointy
And I don’t think its his gun
Oooooooh shit
Oooooooh fuck
Oooooooh shit
Hello from the hospital
I was just trying to deliver this package to you
I’m sorry but I am going to have to sue you
Yes, officer I will press charges
That asshole broke my butt
I told him no, and don’t break my butt
Your package is in evidence
They’ll say in court that it was a double-sided dildo for two—you and him

Uh. . .yeah. WELL THEN that escalated rather quickly. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed the first Posts From Sammy edition. I. . .I. . .don’t even know. I got nothing, except I guess tune in next time for more from Sammy. If you have a suggestion on what you’d like to read, see, or whatever have you; leave it in the comments!

Note: Yes, it is a take (or parody) on Hello by Adele. 
Predict This! was an ongoing predictive text inspired series by Robert J. S. T. McCartney at A.B.Normal Publishing. It has since retired and may one day rise up from the ashes of what could have been, and evolve into a more powerful Pokemon, and alternatively rip your shirt off.
Posts From Sammy is a new ongoing phone text flash fiction series by Robert J. S. T. McCartney at A.B.Normal Publishing. Since its inception, it has claimed the lives of 1 million bacteria cells. There were no ragrets. Not even a letter.

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