I Could Have Been Any Bunny

The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God Logo

Rubricon punched a wall of a building, causing it to crumble to rubble. “Why can’t anything go right for me?” he sighed.

His ears twitched and pointed in several directions.

“Probably because you’re just too. . .soft.” The Bear God snickered, reaching for an ear.

“Go to Hell.” Rubricon snorted.

“Eh, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. The party there is quite tame really.” The bear retorted.

“At least I can make fun of you. . .serves you right for jesting at me.” Ben quipped.

“Yeah, OK, “zombie-crab-man”. Let me just count the ways in how your scrawny, bony, flaky, lobster ass looks so much better than me.” Rubricon began to go off on a tangent.

Sin sighed heavily. “Well, at least you two are chummy right now.”

The ghoulish-crab-man and rabbit-man argued and poked one another with assorted insults and quips, while the Bear God thought of what course of action was next to take.

“I honestly can’t believe we did that much with one asshole of a character. I mean, you’d think we could have just gotten done in like two or three episodes. . .but no, somebody had to drag it on.” Sin rambled on aloud.

The Maker’s voice boomed within their minds. Oh. . .shut up. It was a pretty smooth transition and you got to evolve some. If anything, Ben and Rubricon got better, look better, and it builds character—puts hair on your chest.

“Yep, cause I don’t have enough of that as it is. . .already. . .because you know, I am fucking covered in fucking fur!” The Bear God clamored.

“Yeah, I mean. . .I am in no better position really.” Rubricon followed up.

“I don’t have any fur. . .” Ben replied dejectedly.

You three are so damn ungratefulI swear.

“You’re not. . .going to start singing Boys II Men are you? Because if you are. . .” Sin interjected.

If it’d make you three half-wits respect me, then maybe I should!

“No, no really, it’s OK. We’re. . .just going to get going now.” The Bear shuddered at the thought of the Maker singing.

Good. Time’s wasting.

“It’s not like it’s your damn quest anyway. . .ya dick.” Sin mumbled to himself.

What was that? Care to repeat that, “Bear God,” hmm?

“Nothing of importance. . .ya dick.” The bear replied.

Say dick one more time! I dare you! I double dare you!

Sin shrugged. “Well. . .now I am half tempted. You’ve piqued my curiosity.”

Forget this and forget you. You can do the rest on your own—with your own mortality. Good luck! Oh, and I won’t help Rubricon change back to his complete human self.

“Oh what the hell!” Rubricon cried angrily.

“Bah, don’t worry. He’s just touchy because of who knows. He’ll get over it. . .he’s going to have to.” Sin replied, sighing.

“Well, I don’t like the idea of possibly dying. . .for good. . .let alone not being able to be rid of these damn ears.” Rubricon added.

“Don’t worry. . .about the ears and we’re not going to die for good.”

The Might Bear God then yawned.

A whistling sound came nearer and nearer to the stopped trio.

“Do you guys. . .hear that?” Ben inquired the bear and rabbit-man.

“Yeah. . .sounds like. . .oh shit!”

The trio yelled in unison “NUKE!”

A massive explosion with a massive mushroom cloud was left in their place. There was no physical trace left of the Bear God, Ghoulish-Crab Lord, or Rabbit-man. Meanwhile, off in the distance, there sat a group of Super Mutants with a freshly fired modified Fatman.

“Good shot, brother! Surely we got them good!” One of the mutants congratulated the squad leader.

“If only Kronam was here. . .” the leader replied.

“Surely, he would be proud. We have avenged our brothers and sisters—our people.” Another mutant added.

A shuffling of metal and debris nearby startled the mutant quad-squad. There emerged the one and only. . .

“No, I would be displeased. For we are honorable. . .and they were an honorable. . .and worthy foes.”

“Kronam!” They all cried.


The Diary of The Wasteland Bear God is an ongoing A.B.Normal Publishing exclusive story by Robert J. S. T. McCartney. Check here for more posts!

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