“Here He lies, spread. . .and dead. Fear not, friends, for He will rise and usher in a new era. Death is only the beginning, and with it comes new the end for someone else.” —Smug “Rug” McGee Death’s of Today’s Legends 3:16
A massive crater smolders, and in its center are the remains of the alleged Mighty Bear God. His flock circles around the crater, some sobbing, some cursing, and others touching themselves—placing ashes in. . .places.
Smitten by The Maker, for his constant “nope,” and other. . .irritating remarks, and for touching The Maker at the bar on the bum, and His manly bits. Some would probably consider it an act of revenge. . .or that it was sexist. . .or racist. . .whatever. The Maker does what He wants, when He wants, how He wants it! And there ain’t no one who can say otherwise!
“So. . .are you gonna actually kill me off now, or are you gonna resurrect me? It’s cold here. . .” inquired the Mighty Bear God from the void.
“I’m still debating. . .hush up. Let me finish.” replied The Maker, as He kept on typing.
“Look, I was drunk when I, uh, I ‘touched’ you. Plus, I thought you kinda liked it. At least, you seemed to. Should. . .should we talk about this?”
“. . .No. . .”
“C’mon. . .dude. . .c’mon. . .DUDE. . .C’MON, DUDE. . .DUDE, C’MON, DUDE!”
. . .
“REZ, REZ, REZ, REZ, REZ, REZ PLEASE!”
. . .
“JUST FUCKING RESURRECT ME ALREADY, GOD!”
. . .
“I’ll pay for the drinks this weekend?”
“And the food.”
“Fair enough. Anything else?”
“Go get a job.”
“. . .uh. . .I’m working on it?”
“Not hard enough, you’re not!”
“Yeah, well. . .give me some Viagra, and I’ll show you hard.”
“You really need to work on that. . .”
“You made me what I am! It’s not my fault! You know what I am going to say anyways.”
“Oh no, don’t go blaming me. Why does everyone that fucks up blames the Maker? Or God, or Gods [Goddesses], whatever supreme being? TAKE. SOME. FUCKING. RESPONSIBILITY.”
[The Maker sighs]
“Fair enough, and I see your point. . .but. . .literally, you know what I am going to do, say, etc. I guess, I am you, and you are. . .me?”
“I suppose to a point. Whatever. Go ahead. Be reborn and all that nonsensical shit. Just don’t forget. . .”
“I know, I know. . .I’m buying,” The Mighty Bear God sighed. “Such a whiny bitch,” he muttered under his breath.
“What was that?” replied The Maker as He finished casting His resurrection spell.
“Nothing—” the words trailed off, hinting at a grin, as The Mighty Bear God was reborn anew.
A blinding white light emanated above the crater. Winds billowed and howled, scattering dirt, dust, and debris to the four winds. The flock all cringed, and forced a peek through their shielded eyes.
A monstrous roar bellowed across The Wasteland. “I HAVE RETURNED, BITCHES!”
The Mighty Bear God landed on the ground, causing it to shake and rumble. He appeared more or less the same, except with black leather goggles, deep brown fur that radiated brilliantly under the sun, in contrast to the already dull earth beneath his enormous paws. He was also gifted with his mecha set, which was now fused with his being; providing quick equipment changes, and upgrades he could possibly find. . .or craft.
He smiled vibrantly at his new physique, and at the fact his followers were all on their knees. . .praising for his return.
“Everyone. . .rise. Get to your feet, and get your packs. We have places to go, and infidels to purge from these lands.” The Mighty Bear God spoke calm, assertive, and with a sense of renewal.
His bowels were also cleansed.